God has a funny way of slowing us down. I suppose I should have seen it coming. I went straight from the craziness of being a teacher in June, into 3 1/2 intense weeks of university courses, all the while trying to keep from losing my mind as I was preparing to face the 1 year anniversary. Big surprise--I've been sick.
I'm not really sure if it was a migraine that caused mega-nausea, or the flu that caused a mega-migraine, but it hasn't been fun. I wasn't even able to keep down anything that might have mildy relieved my symptoms. Thankfully it's a LOT better today.
We were at Austin (Manitoba, not Texas) for the Thresherman's Reunion this weekend for some good redneck fun. It was actually kind of nice being somewhere that not everyone knows you, and they don't know everything that you're dealing with inside. I could just relax, knowing that so many people were praying, and attempt to have fun while leaving all the garbage in God's hands. I think I succeeded pretty well.
It was actually a lot harder coming home. The whole time I was there, I kept thinking of all the things I wanted to come home and tell Mom about. But she wasn't waiting for me. Even better, I know she's waiting for me in my real HOME, and wow, there will be stories to tell on that day. But still, in this moment, it sucks. It was really hard to have the guys go back to work and to just sit at home by myself.
I was all prepared to do what I do best when I feel like this...work until I'm too tired to think about it. This is where God came in. I'm pretty sure he said, "Honey, you know you've got to slow down and take care of yourself." I'm pretty sure I didn't want to listen, because He took charge as He always does and forced me to slow down for a few days. Seriously, I have a to-do list as long as my arm and yet I sat on the couch nearly all day today. I have to remind myself that my bathroom will still be dirty tomorrow, and my office organizing can wait, too. Admittedly, it has felt pretty good to have a darn good reason not to do anything.
Why does He always have to be right?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Homesick
So, here I am, about to embark on my blogging journey. I thought it was a fitting time to begin as I am approaching a very significant date. The date that changed everything. On July 25th, it will be one year since my Mom...my best friend...passed away.
It's a very difficult time. Trying to describe my exact feelings are difficult. Some people seem to think that after a year, everything gets easier. While it's true that things do get easier over time...by God's grace I have seen and felt that...it definitely doesn't go away. It never will. I ache for my Mom.
Now here's the important part. I am still grieving deeply, but I grieve with hope. 1 Thesselonians 4:13 says, "But we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve like other people who have no hope." I know without a shadow of a doubt where my Mom is. Because I have a loving Savior who loves me enough to have died on behalf of MY sins, for my Mom, and even for you, and because I know that I and my Mom have accepted this gift of salvation, I know that I have an eternal future with her and my God.
God has taught me so much about Heaven this past year. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone, but I am so thankful that God has blessed me with being able to draw closer to Him. He proves His faithfulness to me over and over. If only I'd learn to trust Him in the first place...but that's another topic entirely...
I've had plenty of time to reflect on what exactly makes my heart ache. I don't wish my Mom back to the life of pain that she endured. She was very tired and was ready to be done fighting. What my heart aches for is what my Mom longed for...to go Home. My eternal Home. Heaven. The place where I can spend eternity with the One who loves me beyond my imagination...the One who loved me enough to have given my Mom to me in the first place. The place where time and death can no longer rob me. I am Homesick.
Homesick by MercyMe (hint...you can hear it on the playlist at the bottom of the page)
You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I‘ve never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord because I don’t understand Your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But even if You showed me the hurt would be the same
Because I’m still here so far away from home
Chorus
In Christ there are no goodbyes
In Christ there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
Chorus
It's a very difficult time. Trying to describe my exact feelings are difficult. Some people seem to think that after a year, everything gets easier. While it's true that things do get easier over time...by God's grace I have seen and felt that...it definitely doesn't go away. It never will. I ache for my Mom.
Now here's the important part. I am still grieving deeply, but I grieve with hope. 1 Thesselonians 4:13 says, "But we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve like other people who have no hope." I know without a shadow of a doubt where my Mom is. Because I have a loving Savior who loves me enough to have died on behalf of MY sins, for my Mom, and even for you, and because I know that I and my Mom have accepted this gift of salvation, I know that I have an eternal future with her and my God.
God has taught me so much about Heaven this past year. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone, but I am so thankful that God has blessed me with being able to draw closer to Him. He proves His faithfulness to me over and over. If only I'd learn to trust Him in the first place...but that's another topic entirely...
I've had plenty of time to reflect on what exactly makes my heart ache. I don't wish my Mom back to the life of pain that she endured. She was very tired and was ready to be done fighting. What my heart aches for is what my Mom longed for...to go Home. My eternal Home. Heaven. The place where I can spend eternity with the One who loves me beyond my imagination...the One who loved me enough to have given my Mom to me in the first place. The place where time and death can no longer rob me. I am Homesick.
Homesick by MercyMe (hint...you can hear it on the playlist at the bottom of the page)
You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I‘ve never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord because I don’t understand Your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But even if You showed me the hurt would be the same
Because I’m still here so far away from home
Chorus
In Christ there are no goodbyes
In Christ there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
Chorus
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)